Selections from SNL's "Big Thick Novel" segments:

Chapter 772.

"While I was looking around the nursery, I noticed that these were not normal children, but children specially bred by Dr. Panzari and his wife to be their family."

Chapter 507.

By now, the lion was only a few yards behind me, and gaining fast. If I could make it to the cliff, I would jump and hope I landed in the river below. I jumped, and the lion, unablw to stop, fell with me. He caught up with me in midair, and began mauling me. We splashed into the foaming river, and the lion swam over and mauled me some more. I heard the sound of the approaching waterfall. If I could only.. no.. too late. Dead.

Chapter 1,234

"I tried to tell Meela about my planet, but she didn't seem to understand. That's when I started wondering, What is she, some kind of idiot?"

(Thanks to http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/2001.phtml :))